Sleeping Separately — The Last Taboo

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There are things you are not supposed to say out loud. That you found the movie boring that everyone loves. That kids can be exhausting sometimes. And: that you prefer sleeping alone.

I like sleeping alone. My own bed, my own rhythm, my own blanket. No elbows in the face at three in the morning. No snoring. No “Can you please stop moving.” Just peace.

And now comes the part where everyone thinks: Yeah, but once you have someone, you will want to sleep together. No. I will not. Those eight hours are mine.

The funny thing is: couples who sleep separately often do not dare to admit it. As if it were a sign that the relationship is broken. But it is exactly the opposite. Two people who know each other well enough to understand that love does not mean ruining each other’s sleep — that sounds pretty grown-up to me.

The numbers back this up. According to a 2025 study by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, 31 percent of US adults sleep in a separate bed or room. Among 35- to 44-year-olds, the number is even higher at 39 percent. And nearly half of respondents in another study say they sleep better without their partner.

In Germany, the picture is similar. According to the ElitePartner study from 2023, 11 percent of couples sleep in separate rooms. Among couples over 50, it is already one in six. And one in three Germans believes, according to a Pronova BKK survey: I would sleep better without my partner.

Historically speaking, this was completely normal. From the mid-19th century until the 1950s, separate beds were considered the healthier, more modern solution. Victorian-era doctors even warned that the weaker sleeper could drain the life energy of the stronger one. It was only when Hollywood turned the double bed into a symbol of true love in the 1960s that sleeping separately suddenly became suspicious.

Sleep is not a compromise. Sleep is health. And anyone who wakes up after eight hours of undisturbed sleep is a better person — and probably a better partner too.

So yes. Sleeping separately. Not because you do not like the other person. But because you like yourself.

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