Soulmates, Sex, and Other Fairy Tales

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I hired an AI to write this post. Not because I can not write, but because I am too lazy. I tossed it a few keywords and then dictated the following into my microphone:

"I would like to meet people, but not necessarily have a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Sometimes yes, it does occupy my mind sometimes. Open relationships — I understand why some people get bored of their partner. But it could also be that they do not talk openly with their partner about it. Also, that you simply meet other people and maybe have sex with them — that does not really concern me right now because I do not have much desire at the moment, probably because I am so overweight. Yeah, it is probably not talked about much. I know some people who talk about soulmates — I think that is idiotic. I mean, you can really only say: There is supposed to be one person who is a perfect match for you? No. It can be self-ironic."

This is the result.

Let us start with the elephant in the room. The other elephant. Not me.

Sex. Nobody talks about it. Well, everyone talks about it, but nobody really does. People brag, lie, and stay silent. In that order. Ask someone about their salary and they get nervous. Ask them about their sex life and they get a lawyer.

According to science, sex is healthy. Good for the immune system, good against stress, good for the skin. Sounds like an ad for olive oil. But if it is so healthy, why do we treat it like a state secret? We talk about our colonoscopy over lunch, but sex? Please wait until after 10 PM and only behind closed doors.

I am single. Not the "I am currently in a phase of self-discovery" kind of single. More like the "factory default" kind of single. Sometimes it bothers me. Mostly it does not. I like people. I enjoy meeting others, talking, laughing. But a relationship? That is like a triathlon — impressive in theory, questionable in practice.

What does fascinate me though: open relationships. Not because I want one, but because they try to solve an interesting problem. Here is the thing: Anyone who has been in a relationship for more than three years knows that moment. You sit at the table, look at the other person and think... nothing. Not even anything bad. Just nothing. And instead of talking about it — because that would mean something is wrong — you find someone else to talk to. Or more.

I think the problem is not boredom. The problem is that most couples have forgotten how to talk to each other. Really talk. Not "How was your day?" — "Fine." But: "I feel lonely even though you are sitting right next to me." Nobody says that. So people look for alternatives instead of conversations.

And then there is the soulmate crowd. Oh God. Soulmates. The idea that on a planet with eight billion people, exactly ONE person exists who is a perfect match for you. And that person happens to live in the same town and happens to go to the same café. What a coincidence. What nonsense.

Soulmates are the astrology of the relationship world. Sounds romantic, but does not hold up to any scientific scrutiny. "We were meant for each other." No, you were both at the supermarket at 7 PM. That is not destiny, that is a coincidence. And then you decided to wrap that coincidence in romance.

What sex surveys reveal, by the way, is completely useless. Everyone lies. Men round up, women round down, and in the end you get a statistic that is mathematically impossible. Studies show that men report an average of 7 partners and women report 4. Who are the other 3? Ghosts?

Masturbation? Everyone does it, nobody talks about it. Like picking your nose in the car. Everyone knows it happens. Everyone pretends they are the exception.

And then the future. Robo-sex. Sounds absurd, but give it 20 years. Then people will sit in couples therapy saying: "He spends more time with his robot than with me." And the therapist nods understandingly, because she does too.

Maybe none of this is as complicated as we make it. Maybe sex is just sex, being alone is just being alone, and a relationship is just two people who decided to watch each other grow old. No fate, no soulmates, no cosmic destiny. Just two people who say: "You annoy me the least."

That is not romantic. But it is honest.

This text was written by an AI. I told it what I think. It wrote it down. Teamwork.

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